


One Step At A Time

by knittedsouls



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20, A little Sam/Eileen mention, Also MIracle Is There, Canon, Canon Universe, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, POV Dean Winchester, What They Deserved, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:14:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knittedsouls/pseuds/knittedsouls
Summary: This wasn’t how it was supposed to go down.Cas deserved better.He deserved better.They deserved better.He closes his eyes and joins his hands, finally giving in.“Cas. Cas, uh, I hope you can hear me....."
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 236





	One Step At A Time

**Author's Note:**

> A fix-it one shot for what happened after Sam and Dean came back from the vampire hunt which went successfully and no one got hurt at all in episode 15x20, the supernatural finale.
> 
> I hope you like it and it makes you feel a little better at the very least. :)

_20 days._

Dean thinks as he enters his room at night, exhausted after another hunt. 

It was a bunch of vampires. Quick. Easy. As Usual.

His eyes fall on the job application sitting on the study table and he heaves a heavy sigh. About a week ago he had decided that he was going to retire and leave hunting for good. Of course he still had to tell Sam about it and there was no denying that he was trying to push it back even after he got the call from his to-be boss saying that he can start in 2 weeks. Honestly, he couldn’t believe that he had actually got it and maybe it was the self depreciating part of him taking over but regardless, he was now, going to be a professional mechanic. Some people wouldn’t consider it that great of a job but to him, it felt good. He has always loved cars and anyways, in the end it was one of his million dreams he had as a kid. It wasn’t like Sam wouldn’t accept his decision, instead, a part of him believed that his brother himself was just going through the same motions of life when in reality, he had just wanted to go back to Eileen but the co-dependent relationship between them, as Lisa has called it years ago, when he didn’t understand it, kept holding them back from having that conversation. 

This certainly wasn’t the first time Dean had wanted a better life but the difference this time was that he actually felt free now and after years of his free will being snatched away from him over and over again, he really wanted to do this. For him and for Cas.

_Cas._

It has been 20 days since Cas died.

A heart wrenching pain settles in his heart as he thinks about the angel and he feels like crying. He hasn’t shed a tear since that god awful day when he saw him getting ripped from him and dragged in the nothingness of the empty and he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t save Cas. He couldn’t even breathe properly.

There was no surprise that he has had some different attachment and relationship with him since the day he walked in that barn just to get stabbed by him and then scare the fuck out of him with those wings. Of course, Dean didn’t show it to him but the feeling was there. It wasn’t fear, to be precise. Instead, strangely enough, he felt safe in his presence even though he intimidated him to no bounds that day, only to realize it later that Cas was probably the least intimidating being to exist in this universe and someone who would be his best friend in this whole wide world.

But what he never understood or should he say, accepted completely was that there was something more than friendship between them. At least not until Cas confessed his love to him under the wrath of death knocking on their door. Literally. 

There were two things that Dean realized that day. First of all, there was no one in this world who would ever love him as unconditionally as Cas did. Secondly, he was in love with Cas. 

And everything in his body ached to hold him, kiss him, tell him he loves him too, because he finally had accepted it. After years of burying it deep down in him, he was finally here. He knew what he wanted but he couldn’t do anything and before he knew Cas was gone.

Through the whole ride to meet Sam and Jack, his mind kept running about a hundred miles per hour, trying to think of ways to save Cas or to convince Chuck to bring him back. He was ready to do anything and everything in his power to bring him back. Go to the empty himself if he had to. He had to get his angel back. And he did, he begged Chuck, the one who he hated the most, to bring him back. He stayed up nights with his bottles of whiskey to find a way to get Cas back. And he got nothing. Didn’t even get close.

It wasn’t until when they defeated Chuck and Jack left them that Dean realized how much Cas has changed him over the years. 

One thing he decided that day was that he was going to live up to Cas’ expectations. He was going to work on himself and learn how to be a better man and build a better life. He wasn’t going to let Cas’ sacrifice go to waste. This was the least he could do. 

And he did. He got Miracle. He got a job. He smiled and laughed. He did everything perfectly through the whole day until night fell bringing back the longing for Cas in his heart and he felt his chest constricting. Everyday he wanted to pray to him, hoping that somewhere he could listen to him but he stopped himself knowing that once he does that, it would all be too real. Losing Cas would feel too real. And he didn’t trust himself to get back up once he fell down that road.

It takes him a few minutes to realize that he had tears spilling out of his eyes now for the first time after that day and he tried to stop them. He really did. Until he finally collapsed on the ground gasping through his sobs.

_This wasn’t how it was supposed to go down._

_Cas deserved better._

_He deserved better._

_They deserved better._

He closes his eyes and joins his hands, finally giving in.

_“Cas. Cas, uh, I hope you can hear me. I know I promised myself to do better. To make a living out of this whatever small amount of life I have left and I promise you that I’m going to do that. But it just feels incomplete. Without you, everything feels incomplete and filled with regrets. I couldn’t save you. You were taken in front of my eyes and I couldn’t save you. And, and I couldn’t tell you what I’ve always wanted to and you deserved to hear. I love you too, Castiel. I love you in ways I never imagined loving anyone. And I want you here with me. You are supposed to come when I call. You told me you would always come when I call. Now, where are you, man? Where are you?”_

As he repeats the same last sentence over and over again, the pit in his stomach gets bigger making him sob softly in the silence of the room until all goes dark in front of his eyes.

\-----

There’s a knock on his room’s door which wakes him up, bringing him back to reality that he has fallen asleep on the floor last night while crying. It takes his eyes a minute to focus on the clock in front of him to see that it was six in the morning.

Another knock on the door and he gets up on his feet to open the door to face Sam standing in his runners tracksuit and a huge smile on his face.

“Cas is back,” Sam says enthusiastically, making his heart stop for a second.

“What?” he utters with his hoarse throat, given that he had just woken up.

“He’s outside in the library. I was leaving for my run and-” Sam explains but Dean isn’t listening anymore. Instead he’s running through the hallway to get to Cas.

His feet stand still as soon as he reaches the door and takes a moment to look at Cas’ back as he stands there casually going through a book placed on the table. 

“Cas?” he whispers, walking close to him and when Cas turns around to look at him with a smile and _Dean knows now_. He knows for sure what he wants.

“Hello, Dean,” it sounds the same like always but feels like ice on his burning heart.

He instantly pulls the angel in for a hug, holding him tight as if scared that if he lets him go then he’ll lose him again and Cas lets him. He lets him hug him for as long as he wants and there’s a new feeling of home that sets in his heart.

Finally, when Dean pulls away, he looks at his face determinedly as if taking it all in, knowing that he is in love with this man.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to reach you,” Cas apologizes.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, not exactly following him. “What do you mean?”

“Jack brought me back as soon as he left Earth and I wanted to come back here instantly but he needed a little bit of my help with something,” he explains as Dean tries to wrap his mind around the information.

“With what?” he asks.

“We rebuilt heaven. Made it a little better and well-functioning,” Cas pauses for a second before continuing. “And then there was one more thing that I wanted to do before coming back here.”

Anxiety rises in Dean’s chest due to that ambiguous sentence. “What thing?”

“I gave up my grace,” he smiles. “I’m a human now, just like you.”

“You what?” his eyes go wide in surprise as Cas takes out his grace bottled up from his coat’s pocket to show him and place it on the table.

“When Jack brought me back, I realized that being an angel was not what I wanted anymore. I’ve always had my doubts about it but now I know that, I would rather want to be a human than an angel. Because humanity taught me to accept myself for who I was and not what powers I possessed,” he laughs with a small tear at the corner of his eyes. “So, here I am. Just me, as you would say, without any bells or whistles.”

Dean huffs a small laugh when he realizes that he has a stingy tear in his own eye as well and not just because Cas was back but also because this was the first time he was seeing Cas choose himself as who he was over anything else.

“I’m proud of you,” he says before he realizes that Cas probably didn’t hear his prayer and panic rises in his chest. He had to tell him this time. He couldn't just leave it now. ”Listen, Cas, I have to say something.”

“You don’t have to say it. I heard your prayer,” Cas says with a smile and Dean has heard these words before and even though relief washes over his chest he doesn’t want to leave their conversations, especially something like these to prayers anymore.

“Just let me say it this time, okay?” he says and waits for Cas to give a nod, urging him to continue. “You said that I changed you but I want you to know that you changed me too. You’ve taught me a lot over the years, Cas and I really admire you for who you are. You’re the one person I’ve known in this whole wide world who has never had any bad intentions behind his actions. There hasn’t been a single time when you’ve done anything to intentionally hurt anyone. Even when you made mistakes, the ones you still beat yourself up about, you did all of that with good intentions and I know it doesn’t make things better but it makes you a better person than others. You're the most courageous person I know and you never give up on anyone. I know that somewhere a part of me always knew that you meant more to me than a best friend would but I was afraid and didn’t say anything. But now after all we’ve gone through, I think we deserve a little happy ending too, don’t you think?”

A small laugh escapes Cas’ mouth as Dean takes his hand in his own and pulls him a little closer.

“I love you.” he admits looking straight into his teary blue eyes.

“I love you too.” he nods at him and Dean places a long, soft kiss on Cas’ forehead and something churns in his stomach. Something new and he isn’t scared of that anymore. Instead he’s excited for what stood ahead of them. He wanted everything this time and he hoped to get there. 

_One step at a time, right?_

Something moves around his legs that pulls his attention away from Cas as he looks down to realize that it was none other than Miracle.

“Dean? Why is there a dog in the bunker?” Dean looks back at Cas who was doing his signature head tilt that he adored since the beginning of time.

“That-” he bends down to pull Miracle up in his arms and holds him close to his chest and looks at Cas with a huge smile around his lips, “Is Miracle. Our dog.”

“Our?” his eyes go a little wide.

“Yes, dumbass. Our.” he pauses for a second before adding. “Yours and Mine.”

_One step at a time._


End file.
